twin heart

God created a heart. he broke it into two.

He gave the half to you, and he gave the other half to me.
we were so happy and proud that we both agreed to wear it in front of our chest.
(just like how mom would buy us matching outfits with different colors.
Of course you'll get the yellow and i'll get the pink.)
We wore it so boldly, so every one could see...
God said that's the "sisters heart."
when everything else fails, that piece of heart will remind you
that a love of a sister is always there.
I didn't understood God's explanation until YOU happened.

Words are not enough how honored i am to have you as my sister
moreover, how fortunate i am to have you as my best friend.
no doubt you are much stronger than me.
remember the time when somebody made me cry? You were the one who scared him off.
You are my protector, the keeper of my deepest darkest secret. my childhood enemy, my juggler of life, my memory keeper, and most of all my twin-at heart.

you are the only woman who could make me mad like hell, who could make me happy beyond its definition and who could make me worry like there's no tomorrow.
I want you to know that since God gave me that piece of heart, I never took it off.
I don't care how rusty it can be or how old it may look like, still, i'll wear it proudly in front of my chest... until the time when our hair turns gray and lines scattered around our faces. we'll walk side by side, holding hands just like we always do, until we meet God once again. and togther we'll say...
"Hey dad! look! we still have have each other. forever and ever. isn't that great"
and dad will answer "oh my lovely twins..."

love, pink twin.

an awesome weekend at Sitio Malasa and Sitio Mabilog

Last November 20-21, 2010, I spent my weekend in Tarlac to be a part of the community development "Makipamuhay" prepared by SOCC and the Community Development Office together with the organization officers and leaders. Makipamuhay is basically, staying and living there (in Tarlac) for 2 days. Learn and adopting the way of living of the Aetas, appreciating what they have to offer and making them feel that somebody cares for them. We went to Tarlac, specifically in Sitio Mabilog and Sitio Malasa. I just brought 1 extra shirt, towel, toiletries, and pajamas. I reserved the spaces of my bag for the old clothes that I planned to give to my foster family. We reached there (at Sitio Malasa) at around 12 in the afternoon, then we ate lunch, little orientation and went to Sitio Mabilog which is 1 to 2 hours away.

Here are some of the pictures I took during my stay there:

We hiked for 1 hour and 30 minutes to get to Sitio Mabilog.

A tough road to take. Kids in Sitio Mabilog walked for 1-2 hours to Sitio Malasa to attend school.

Really tiring and exhausting but the sceneries were all worth it.

on the way to Sitio Mabilog. Slippery, unstable bridge.

Good thing I'm with my twin-best friend :)

I was supposed to go alone, but good thing, she was able to make it. I am most comfortable with her :)

After of almost 2 hours of hiking, we finally reached Sitio Mabilog. We stayed there for 5 hours, we just played with them, sang Christmas songs, and just enjoyed their company.

This is Jennylyn (Right) with her friend. She's my partner there. She's very shy but very sweet and she smiles a lot when I talk to her. She has the most amazing eyes. :) can you see?

The kids there were really energetic and full of life!

parents with their sons and daughters.

They prefer to be called "Kulots" at first, I was shocked. I thought they will be offended, but they said that that's better. Sometimes they talk like..."Kaming mga kulot at Kayong mga Unat"

Astig no? :)

It only shows na hindi sila takot kung anong meron sila, and how others will perceive them.

their past time, basketball :)

They remind me of two things in this picture: 1. Happiness can come in small things.

2. You look for your own happiness in small things.

.

As much as we still wanted to stay in Mabilog, we have to go back to Malasa because it's already getting dark and we still have to walk again for about 2 hours or so.

When we reached Malasa again, we were immediately, randomly distributed to the families who were going to adopt us.

I was the last one, among the girls who was called. Ma'am Abby said, "Diane, with blah blah, *forgot*

it turned out pala, the one who fetched me from the day care were my to-be siblings! 9, 8, and 6 years old. Wala pala akong parents. Then we walk already to our house that was 10 minutes away from the day care.

(Front)

This is where I stayed. On the left side of the picture, that's my bed.

No doors. and it was really really cold that I can't sleep.

Okay sige palusot ko lang ang lamig. hindi talaga ako nakatulog dahil feeling ko talaga may mananaggal na nasa paahan ko! nakakarinig ako ng mga creepy na sounds kahit na naka ipod nako! trying hard ako mag text sa kapatid ko and i was hoping that she's still up, pero wala na pala akong load! at ung sun phone ko wala ng batt! my gahd talaga, namamatay ako nong gabi! hahaha! but I survived! I was praying really really hard...like "Lord ayokoko pong mamatay sa ganitong paraan please, wag sa mananangal na nananatili paring mysterio sa akin kung paano nila na didigest ang mga taong kinakain nila ng nakahiwalay ang katawan."

and you know what happened next? I fell asleep, and soon I was dreaming.

I dreamt of my mother. weird.

(Back)

This is where they sleep. No doors, no CR, no electricity, and scarcity of water.

P.S. naligo ako! baka akala ninyo hindi! nambulabog ako ng kapit bahay ng 5am para lang makiligo! nag lakad ako ng 10 mins sa madilim na daan na may lecheng pusang itim na sumusunod! *hanggang ngayon minumura ko parin sa isip ko ang pusa na yon.

*siguro un ang manananaggal?? hmmn? :))

This is my foster family in Sitio Malasa. with my Lola Eliang.

with my siblings Jessica 9, Melanie 8 and Jayce 6.

They don't have their parents with them. only Lola Eliang. At this age, they already cook for themselves. they get leaves from trees and eat it for lunch or dinner. o diba. vegetarian! taaaaraaaay! :)

This is how they cook. *never mind my face*

I cooked and prepared dinner for them, just a simple dinner: Corned beef, Tuna, and Scrambled egg. It was their first time to eat corned beef and they were all excited! I was also thrilled for them! feeling ko naman ang galing galing ko magluto! dahil sa mata nila ako ay isang professional na cook! samantalang sa bahay, hanggang instant noodles lang ang kaya kong gawin hahaha!

Dinner time! kalaitlait man ang itsura ng corned beef ko, wala akong pake dahil inubos naman nila yon! haha at pinaghirapan kong hipanin ang apoy para lumakas! halos na ubos na ang tangke ng oxygen ko sa katawan ko!

We end the night with a beautiful program and prayed around the bonfire.

Day 2:

Everybody woke up early for the mass.

While waiting, I noticed a beautiful girl there who was about 9 or 10 years old. she was holding a baby. I asked her if she's the sister of the baby and she said yes. Then we just talked. I found out that she has 10 other siblings and only a mom to take care of them. She just went there because she wanted to see us and play with the other kids, so I took the baby from her and asked her to play for a while.

The cutest baby there :)

He's name is Aquino. nice huh? :)

After the mass, we all went home for lunch. I cooked noodles, corned beef again, tuyo, and eggs. After, I prepared my things bec. we have to leave already.

From left to right: Jessica, Melanie, Tricia, and Jayce.

I'll surely miss them.

Last picture with my siblings.

As the saying goes..."The problem with hello is goodbye"

I'll miss them.

Dolphins love freedom wall painting :)

Last November 19, 2010, we (my very good friend, Jho and I) were given an opportunity to be a part of the "Dolphins love freedom" campaign. Thanks to sir A.g. Saño for this wonderful experience :) we felt great after helping out and we had a lot of fun too! :)

One step at a time :)

Jho and I, painting :)

*taaaadaaaahhhh* :) by sir Ag with the help of Adamson students and of course, us :)

We rewarded ourselves afterwards with this yummy turon!

It's never too late to get yourself involve with these things. small acts can make a big difference. All you need is compassion :)

Dolphins and embracing life

Oceans are very close to my heart, along with all the mammals that lived there. The innocent-looking waves, soft sands, warm blowing wind, glittering deep blue green water against a brilliant blue sky makes it all perfect for me. I want it to be my home. It instantly makes my heart melt, literally. Ocean will always and always have a big space in my heart.

Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to be a diver and clean up beaches, save giant clams, rescue dolphins and other marine mammals, they made me feel that I somehow belong there. (I am most comfortable with them compared to land-animals) that's why when I heard from a friend about dolphins massacre in Japan last year, I was like... "what the hell are these people doing?!" I have to do something to stop this madness! These people are brutally cruel, it's just so inhumane! How can they kill such innocent, intelligent and friendly mammals like dolphins?! I just can't sleep without doing something to help these mammals.

I also read this information from the SEA SHEPHERD CONSERVATION SOCIETY:

http://www.seashepherd.org/

The fishermen in villages like Taiji, go out in small boats to known dolphin migratory routes. Positioning their boats strategically, they space out to form a line and wait for the dolphins. When the dolphins arrive, the fishermen drop long metal pipes into the water, and by banging on the pipes they create a wall of sound. The sound interferes with the dolphins' ability to navigate - it disorients and panics them. The dolphins swim away from the sound, and the fisherman maneuver their boats herding them into a small shallow bay. Once in the bay, nets are drawn across the mouth of the bay to keep them penned in.
The fishermen usually injure a few of the captive dolphins with a spear thrust or a knife slash - dolphins will not abandon these wounded family members.

Trapped in the shallow water, the dolphins mill about trying to stay as far from land as possible until the next morning. In the morning, the fishermen draw the nets in, forcing the dolphins closer to shore where they kill them by stabbing and slashing them with knives and hooks. The dolphins thrash about for as long as six minutes each as they slowly bleed to death, turning the sea literally red with their blood.

After the massacre, the bodies of the dolphins are taken to a slaughter house to be butchered. The meat is severely contaminated but is sold without warnings in supermarkets in Japan - supermarkets often owned by US and European chains.

As far as I know, dolphins have helped humans in so many ways. Sometimes, dolphins have helped people in the ocean by protecting them from the attack of sharks.They have done this by swimming around the people and making sharks go away.Other stories tell about boats being saved by following dolphins during thick fog conditions until the clear off dangerous waters. So recently, I emailed WWF and asked how can I help to save the dolphins and I found out from Ma'am Maye Padilla that an AD in the INQUIRER showed that there will be a "GRAND DOLPHIN SHOW" at the Araneta Center next month! Dolphins from Indonesia will be exported in the Philippines and the show will be on a parking lot where dolphins will perform in front of a huge crowd and then will be transfered to their next location. Just imagine how the dolphins will be so uncomfortable there with all those people screaming and shouting and plus the over hotness of the sun! They will keep the dolphins in a shallow pool full of chlorine that will eventually harm the dolphins. So together with the WWF team, we put our hopes up and a lot of prayers that this event will not be pursued. To help, we can do the following:

Kindly contact Araneta Center to tell them to stop sponsorship of these shows:

Ma. Lorna Datiles-Fabian

Senior Leasing ManagerAraneta Center, Inc.9th Floor, Aurora Tower, Araneta Center...Quezon City 0810, PhilippinesTrunk Line: 911-3101 ext. 8313Direct Line: 912-8668Fax: 911-5328

VIA FACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AranetaCenterhttp://www.aranetacenter.net/

2. Contact Department of Agriculture Secretary Proceso Alcala not to issue the import permits for the dolphins. (Note: Kindly send polite letters, thank you)

Also, recently, I volunteered to help sir A.g. Saño, an individual working with other individuals for a campaign. What they are doing now is trying to match the average number of dolphin kills per year in Japan which is 23,000. Since they started in May, they have now reached about 21,000 dolphins around the Philippines, plus Singapore and Malaysia. He invited me to help him paint a long wall in Cubao this coming Friday, so if you are free maybe you can come too! Spread the word and help save the dolphins!

between lines and spaces

A blank stares at me directly as I, look deeper to search for me. between lines and spaces, i feel lost and sacred. floating, waiting for me to be swallowed by the harsh, thin air. Life and Love speeds, flashing before my eyes. like pictures in a moving window car. i'm into a spinning circle where options and and chances are being throwed like swords. no time to think. no time to make mistakes. only yes or no. do or don't. risk or fall. live or die.


i, wished... to be in a place where, i could feel the sands of time in my toes, where i, could see raindrops bounce against my skin. where i, could clearly smell the fresh morning dew and where... i, could embrace freely the beautiful green pastures in my arms.


i, desire to be in a place where...rewards are like peonies and daffodils. where laughter of kids and comforting hugs are frozen in time. where i, could taste heaven in the tip of my tongue.


most especially...


i, longed to be in a place where i could be alone with my thoughts. a place where there is time for me to breathe, to appreciate, to love, to be patient and to be wise.


where tomorrows are not worries and where yesterdays are not regrets.

Malady

Have you ever felt something like… There’s something wrong within you that you don’t really know but somehow you know its long standing and lingering there? You can’t really pinpoint what it is or how long it’s been there or why it’s even there in the first place, all you know is that, there’s something there that makes you scared all the time… that makes you feel there’s something lacking. It’s like being familiar but then it feels indifferent.

One day I woke up feeling exactly like that. Different, daunting, broken hearted all at the same time and the hardest part in “feeling” this is, describing it, as hard as I struggle to try to write this down. I don’t know what words would exactly describe it or even define it but I hope you could bear with me. It’s like sadness and loneliness combined. It’s like an unhealed part of you, tapped after long years, it’s like you’re in a very familiar place but then you feel lost. It’s like a long sickness, a malady. A dangerous dejavu perhaps? Or a collage of doubt, vagueness, fear, and uncertainty. A picture of a clear mud.

It’s like a feeling of being stuck in a moment, running around an endless circle over and over again, and a rocky rollercoaster ride of emotions. You feel all of these, all at the same time. You close your eyes and struggle to find out what it is, you frustrate yourself with your fears and worries until both your mind and heart collides.

You try to go on with your life thinking it was nothing. You pretend to be okay, though you know it’s still hanging inside. You keep yourself busy to the point you don’t have a time to think of it. But time had passed, you thought you’re already good and done with it but then a day comes, something or someone would tap that part inside you that would make that “thing” alive again. You realize it’s not something that you could escape with. It’s something that would haunt you when you’re alone with your thoughts; it’s something that you should face with your eyes and heart open.

And you realize… all this time along…you know it. but you’re damn afraid (because you can’t accept the truth neither change the truth.) All you wonder now is to how to have a courage to face it because you know for sure that you’ll be a better person and you will be much much happier after.

Adil

Sometimes I wonder how big your heart could be,
for you to store so much love than we actually see...
A keeper but mostly a giver
someday I wish to be just like her
Though dreams on hold, traveling and searching ended,
like a warrior surrenders, heart is tested
still, faced and came to the battleground to be a hero,
a juggler balancing, struggling not to have a zero.

you broke your own wings, sometimes you almost die,
just so we could have ours... to fly and soar high.
The only person I know who could turn life's disaster into a beautiful memory
In you, we will always be winners & you'll forever be our trophy.
you're more than a mother that we wished for
you're our best friend forever that's for sure
I hate the fact that you have to feel twice or even thrice of our pain
but we both know we have to go through this to learn and gain.
We thank you for letting us go and be happy
to be hurt but never be lonely.

Tons of sacrifices are made
someday we wish to repay...
we may eventually find a new love someday,
but momma, remember this... you will forever be our first and last love every single day...